Aid for the Helpless
by erf10722
Summary: I have a secret. I have vowed not to tell anyone. Not even the gang. It would cause to much pain. I'm done causing pain, I don't want to anymore. Please, just let me go. sometimes I wish my parents cared about me, and sometimes...I wish the gang didn't.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my idea for a Johnny story. Just to remind people who have never read anything by me**

**Dominoes- story about Darry and how he deals with a tragic event in the gang**

**Tuff 'Nuff- story about Dally and how he loses his memory and gains his innocence**

**All These Deeds I've Done- story about Sodapop and what happens after he returns 10 year later to find the gang in shambles**

**I don't own the Outsiders! Enjoy!**

* * *

I read somewhere about an experiment with puppies. The first group of puppies was always treated kindly, the second always treated badly, and the third treated completely unpredictably.

Interestingly enough, the third group of puppies was the most loyal to the researchers.

I suppose everyone is in the third group of puppies. You don't really know what is gonna trigger someone's anger or make them laugh. You can only guess.

I think I used to be in the second group. I could expect my parents to be jerks, for my teachers to be oblivious and frustrated, and for kids to be cruel.

But the day I met the Curtis', that was the day I joined the rest of the world in the third group. I still couldn't count on them 100 percent, but it was a hell of a lot better than my previous situation.

I met the Curtis parents in school. Ponyboy was in my second grade class (back when they didn't have honors or standard classes) and one day they offered me a ride home from school because some kids had been beating on me.

I think that at first they forced Pony to be friends with me, but I'm sure that after a while he actually began to like me. I hope, anyways.

I had been returning home a lot lately. I guess after I got the news, I sort of felt closer to my family. Evidently, the feeling was not mutual. My dad was still a jerk, my mom was still faking obliviousness.

But tonight I was staying at the Curtis. Pony had invited me, noticing the amount of bruises I had developed.

I was sort of excited. Very, to tell the truth. The gang hadn't just 'stayed in' for a long time, but Pony had casually planned it because I was being antisocial-or at least more than usual.

I arrived at their door and carefully swung open the scream calling a soft greeting that would be hard to hear unless you were actually in the living room.

Two-Bit jumped up, rambunctious as usual, and pulled me into a hug. "Johnny dearest," He said in an imitation of an old english woman. "How just simple delightful it is to see you this fine evening." He bowed low and kissed my hand with a loud smacking sound.

I laughed breathily, not an actual laugh. Very few people could make me laugh. In fact, only Dally and Two-Bit had ever made me laugh for real. Two-Bit tried for an entire afternoon, the longest time he's ever spent doing anything, and had the rest of the gang in stitched before he accidentally fell over the couch. I had laughed, then clapped my hand over my mouth, sorry that I had laughed at his pain. Two-Bit hadn't minded though. In fact, it was his greatest achievement.

Dally had made me laugh on time when he had been dared to wear a tutuand roller skates for a day. He didn't even last five minutes, and he swore he would kill me if I told anyone what he had done, but I think he was kidding. Dally would never hurt me.

Everyone except for Dally was seated in the living room, enjoying the luxury of take out. Dally liked to make a dramatic entrance.

"Hey Johnnycakes!" Pony cried in delight. Ever since we had been holed up in that church together, we had been closer than ever before. "Glad you could make it bud!"

I smiled breezily but didn't say anything. I sank into the shadow of the couch and watched the gang.

I liked doing this. They were the most interesting assortment of people ever. You had Darry, the tough older brother of everyone who alway looked out for me, Soda, the middle brother who was loved to death by everyone in the gang. Nobody could hold a grudge against Soda.

Steve, whose practical jokes and overprotectiveness perfectly balanced out his personality. Two-Bit, who was probably the most well meaning person I knew, Pony, the one who was gonna make it, and Dally, in simple terms, my idol.

People don't really understand my hero worship for Dallas. I guess I just wish I could be a strong as him. Then maybe people wouldn't walk all over me.

"Johnny?" I realized that Pony had said my name a couple times.

"Wha-yeah?"

"You ok?" Was I ok. I laughed humorlessly and the gang gave me strange looks. _You can't tell them._ A nagging voice said. I ignored it. I didn't want them to know. They couldn't help, and they couldn't make me feel better, so it was pointless.

"Sure." I said. I had always been bad at lying, so I often told half truths, or kept silent. 'Sure' wasn't really a yes. It was just dismissing the question.

"You positive?" Now here I was stuck. So I just kept silent and looked down at my hands. "Your parents again?"

This was a safe question. I could lie to this. I just nodded, and the conversation went on.

With any luck, the gang would never know what the real problem was...but I have never been a real lucky person.

Steve gave me a crooked smile, which I struggled to return. _I have a secret._ I thought. A very, very big secret.

A life changing secret.

My only hope is that it will only change my life, and leave those around me alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Anyone ever notice how I'm REALLY bad at starting fanfics? (don't answer that...I know you've noticed.) But tell me how I can improve them please!**

**By the way, if anyone figures out whats wrong with Johnny before I tell you blatantly, you get a prize (probably I'll Just write something for you, dedicate a famous novel to you, ect)**

**I don't own the Outsiders**

* * *

That night was a good night. I was thankful for that. I supposed it might be one of the last good nights before...well, anyway.

after we had watched three movies, gone through twice that many bags of popcorn, and countless wrestling matches, even Two-Bit was tired. Pony had curled up on the floor against my legs. I gently pushed him off, not to be mean, but for his own good.

He mumbled something, and shifted so he was curled on top of Soda's feet instead. Soda smiled at this groggily, his head drooping down to his chest, and then jerking upwards, in a futile attempt to stay awake.

Steve smiled next to me, not quite as tired as the others. "You wanna go to bed Johnny? You've been awful quiet."

I shook my head. I really wasn't tired. Credit it to years of being on the alert for the arrival of my father, or the sleepless nights spent in the lot with a car seat Soda and Steve had got me for my 15 birthday and the cold air as my blanket.

"No, but maybe we should make the others go to bed." Steve nodded at this, nudging Soda with his elbow. Darry, who had gone up to bed long ago, came down to practically carry Pony upstairs, and Soda followed soon after. I couldn't help but think that it would take less effort to just walk up the stairs then practically army crawl to his bed.

That just left me, Steve, and Two-Bit. Dally had gone to bed at Bucks, although I figured he was probably still partying. He was practically nocturnal.

"Want the couch Johnny?" Steve asked sleepily.

"No. You can have it, I'm gonna go find Dal." Steve studied me for a second, but I could tell he wanted to sleep as well.

"Ok Johnny. You be careful, you dig? And remember to come back here if you need to. Everyone else does." Steve said with a groggy smile. My lips twitched halfheartedly, and I murmured a goodbye to Steve.

I shivered as I stepped into the cold air of Tulsa Oklahoma. It's boiling hot during the day, but it can get real cold at night. I wished Pony had given me back my jacket, which I had lent to him just a couple of days ago.

I began to short walk to Buck's, taking the path that cuts through the park so I could avoid any Socs that were driving. Socs never walk around greaser territory; they would be dead meat in ten minutes.

Even from a hundred yards away, I could hear the drone of Hank Williams and the wild yells of wannabe cowboys. Buck's stank of alcohol, cigarettes, and unwashed bodies, and for this reason, I hated it. Smelled like my 'home', if you can call it that.

I slipped through the doors, and immediately slumped into a 'cool' position, my thumbs in my pockets, a smirk hanging on my face.

Dal was wrapped around some broad. They weren't kissing, just hugging, and this, more than anything, surprised me.

She was a pretty girl, but not noticeably so. She had sort of boyishly wide shoulders and chestnut brown hair skin tinged with yellow. Not Dal's type.

If she wore makeup, I couldn't tell, and her clothes were not fancy or revealing. Really not Dally's type.

I walked over to them curiously. "Hey Dal." I said quietly. Usually, I never spoke up in front of anyone other than the gang much less a girl. But for some reason, I found myself already comfortable around this chick.

"Johnny!" I gaped at Dal. He sounded so happy, so carefree, so...unlike himself. "Johnny this is Ida." The girl grinned at me, slightly inclining her stout head.

"Hey Johnny. You know this hood?" She cuffed Dally good natured like around the neck, and Dally smiled at her. She was probably the tallest girl I have ever seen. She towered above Dal and Me without any of those fake heels.

"Yeah." I whispered. I know she didn't hear me, but I figured the question was just a nicety anyway.

"Good, Dal needs a friend like you. Keep him in line. Dal, I'm going to retreat upstairs. Don't wake me up when you come in, or I will punch you." Dally chuckled, but not his usual dark chuckle. More happy then usual. "OOh, you think I'm kidding do you?"

"You know you could never hurt me. You love me too much. And you wouldn't want to ruin this beautifulness." Dal gestured to his face.

Ida raised an eyebrow, reminding me of Two-Bit. "Beauty if in the eye of the beholder." She turned to leave.

"And sometimes it it necessary to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye!" Dal shouted after her. I grinned up at him.

"So, are you finally settling with a good girl?" Dal looked shocked.

"What? Hell no Johnny. Ida is my best friend. We practically lived together as kids. And her sister, Ellis...but..."

I had never seen Dal so emotional. I guessed that Ellis had died, and nodded sympathetically.

"So, anyway," Dal said, after an amazingly loud awkward silence. "What do you need Johnnycakes?"

"Well, um."

"Spit it out!"

"I s-sort of don't have a p-place to stay...never mind, I'll just..." I turned a deep shade of red and turned to leave.

"Johnny." Dal sighed. "You don't have to be so scared kid. Ida and E- I mean, Ida is staying in my room, but there is still plenty of space. Go on up."

My eyes went wide, and Dally chucked. "Still scared of girls? I promise you, Ida is like no girl you've ever met. She wont be a bitch or try to make a move on you like that little slut Sylvia." Dally cursed, then looked around. "Where is she anyway? Johnny, go on up. you just make a place for yourself on the couch."

I walked up the stairs, dodging couples that were making out, and people drunk out of their minds.

I laid down gratefully on Dally's couch, noticing that Ida was sprawled out on Dal's bed.

As I inhaled the smell of sweat and alcohol, I reflected on what a lousy life I led.

And in that moment, more than in other moments, the constant thought at the back of my head was overwhelming. "Why not just end it?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy New Year (for the 99.9% of the people who follow the Myan calendar.) For the rest of you...I don't know.**

**But guys, PLEASE don't do anything stupid today that you will later regret (drugs, underage drinking, ect.) New Years can be a fun holiday, just not THAT kind of fun. **

**The kind of fun I'm having is writing...maybe at midnight I will have a quick dance party with my cat. (oh, you think I'm joking? NO nonononnono.)**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

I tossed an turned for a long time that night. Well, in reality it couldn't be more than twenty minutes before Dal walked in, almost tripping over the couch. "Oops, sorry Johnny."

He ducked into the bathroom, and took a record breaking short shower. He stumbled out with only a towel on, and began to change without modesty. I turned red, and looked away. Ew.

"Little bit of warning might be nice next time Dal." Ida said. Apparently she was wide awake as well.

"Naw, you know you liked the show." Without a stutter, a blush, or any sign of embarrassment, Ida responded.

"Nope. Don't make a career out of it." I stifled a laughter, and Dally glared at me. Playfully, I hope. "Oh, so this is why you don't laugh often." Ida continued, directing her question at me.

I didn't answer, but my eyes went wide. What was she talking about? She'd only known me for about an hour.

"Yes. We have a no laughing policy, right Johnny? No smiling,no laughing, no being happy, no acting like a regular 16 year old boy, carefree and innocent." Ida snorted.

"Please. If anything Johnny is an irregular 16 year old boy." For some reason, this stung a little, and I looked down, hiding my eyes behind my thick lashes. Ida let out a bark of laughter. "Which is a good thing. Dal was a normal 16 year old boy. I wouldn't come within 10,000 miles of him then. Not even to write letters or call."

"That's not why you didn't call." Dal muttered, but I wasn't sure if Ida heard him. Maybe she just didn't want an argument.

"Ok, well, I'm gonna call it an early night." Dal said, laying on the bed next to Ida, playfully sprawling out and almost pushing her off.

"It's 4:00 in the morning Dally. Not exactly early." Dal waved his hand in the air.

"Fine. I'm gonna call it an early morning then. Johnny, could you get the lights?" I silently got up and switched down the lights to pitch black, and curled up in a tight ball on the couch.

I smiled to myself. I liked Ida, and I like the person Dally was when he was around her.

* * *

I woke up two hours later to the sound of the shower. Dal almost never got up before nine. He didn't have a care in the world, so I figured it was Ida.

She walked out with wet tangled hair pulled into a high bun that had definitely not been done in front of a mirror, or at least not a working one.

"Hey Johnny." She said loudly, poking Dal in the chest as she said it. He curled around the spot where she poked him and mumbled something.

"I'm off to work." She screamed in his ear, eliciting a few unintelligible curse words. "Johnny, make sure he does something today. He deserves whatever hang over he has."

Dal sat up suddenly. "Ida!" He said loudly, grinning at her.

"Dal, please tell me you remember seeing me last night?"

"Yeah, I'm just surprised you're still here."

"Not for long. Some of us have to make a living you know." Dally screwed up his face as though trying to remember something.

"Oh yeah. What is it you do again?"

"None of your business." Ida sighed, probably because she had said it before.

"What a snappy retort! I really don't know how you think of them." Ida rolled her eyes at Dal.

"Yeah, whatever. Bye Johnny!"

"Ida!" Dally called after her. "I really want you to meet the rest of my friends when you get off of work." She agreed and slammed the door behind her, picking her way around the various passed out people in the main room.

There was a palpably awkward silence after Ida left. I hate silence, so I jumped up, and followed her with a quick goodbye to Dallas.

I felt awkward being around my friends now. I knew I would be, after I found out, but I didn't think it would hurt so much.

* * *

I decided that I would go to school today. Might as well give myself an education in my short doomed life.

The Curtis house was in uproar when I got there. Darry was calmly making eggs, and Pony shoveled down as much food as he could. Steve was waiting impatiently by the door while Soda ran around, collecting items of clothes.

I walked in noiselessly and sat at the very edge of the couch were a huddled lump of blankets was still snoring away.

"Two-Bit! Are you going to school today?" Darry yelled from the kitchen. Two-Bit groaned, then sat up quickly, grinning at me.

"Hey Johnny kid! You goin to school today? Where'd you sneak off to last night?"

"I stayed with Dal at Buck's house." I said so quietly, Two-Bit had to lean forward to catch my words.

"I'm surprised he let you. Usually he has a girl over."

"He did." Then I realized what Two-Bit must have meant, and my face turned warm.

"Did you join in?" Two-Bit grinned. My mouth formed a surprised "O" and I almost fell running to the kitchen. Two-Bits maniacal laughter followed me.

Darry looked at me sympathetically. "Don't worry bout him. He's just an old bum."

"If I'm old, what are you?" Two-Bit asked innocently, and Darry cuffed him over the head.

* * *

The gang was apprehensive to meet Ida, probably because they had met Dal's girlfriends before, and were expecting someone like that. I didn't bother to explain that Ida wasn't Dal's girlfriend, and that she was a nice person. They could decide for themselves.

"Pony, I don't want Dal making a bad influence on you." Darry scolded, scowling darkly. "Now this kind of girl is no good."

I felt the need to stick up for Ida, so I whispered, barely audible, "Don't worry about it Pony. She won't be a bad influence."

Darry looked shocked that I said anything. If it were anyone else, he probably would have argued, but there are perks to being the gangs pet: everybody likes you ok for one.

Pony grinned at me. He probably thought I was sticking up for him, but I wasn't brave enough to do that.

Dal barged in the door, grinning ear to ear. I think everyone was surprised by this. Dal didn't show emotion, even happy emotion.

Ida stepped in behind Dal, wearing a coat over her slightly boyish clothes, her face flushed as though she had run here. Both of them were panting, and there were leaves all through Dally's hair.

"Hey guys! This is Ida." Dal said, gesturing to her. She grinned at me, then turned her attention to the rest of the gang.

"Hey." The gang looked surprised. Ida took off her coat and her t-shirt said "New York giants."

"Brave of you to wear that shirt in Tulsa Oklahoma." Two-Bit commented. Ida shrugged modestly.

"I can hold my own in a fight." She didn't say it to brag, just matter of factly.

When she turned her head to continue to talk to the gang, I saw some white powder at her hairline that gave me the impression that she had been wearing a ton of makeup and then washed it off.

Dal saw it to, and his face, which had been so happy seconds before, turned dark as a hurricane cloud.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for reviewing! this is going to be one of the last chapters that you can guess what's wrong with Johnny. You can also guess what's wrong with Ida, and why Dally and her were fighting.**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

Two-Bit and Ida got along real well. I could tell that Dal was angry at Ida, because he was acting cool and mean, not laughing and joking with Ida and the rest of the gang.

I thought it might be uncomfortable because Ida is a girl, and the rest of us are boys, but she doesn't make it awkward. She doesn't act like a girl.

I remember when Sandy and Evie come over, they always subtly hint that they're ugly, and then we have to dissuade them from thinking this. It's really boring, and usually ends up in tears and Soda and Sand conspicuously leaving to the bedroom.

Soda and Pony began to cook dinner, and we all followed them into the kitchen, helpfully stealing the food and eating it before it was done.

Ida went to get something from the car and Dal followed, looking angry. I know I shouldn't have done it, you shouldn't eavesdrop, but I was immensly curious.

They started talking on the porch, and I didn't quite catch the beginning of their conversation.

"...and I told you," Dally's voice, "that you didn't have to do that anymore!"

"Dal, I'm sorry. More sorry than you are, but I have to pay for his health care-"

"And what about your health?"

"What about it?" Dally snorted, and I saw him begin to pace.

"You aren't yourself Ida. You're doing a bang up job acting, but its just that, and act. I think you should see a doctor. In your line of work-"

"I thought you didn't approve of my line of work?"

"I don't!" Dally sounded more frustrated that I had ever heard.

"And yet, I bet before I came, you had used my line of work many times." Dally was stumped here.

"Look, I know! I've made mistakes, but please, I can pay!"

"With what Job Dal? I don't enjoy my job, and you know that. I get no pleasure out of it, only pain. And so I'm begging you, this is hard enough without you getting involved also." Dally was silent for a long time after she said this.

Finally, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. If I ever had doubts about their relationship status before then, now I was certain. Their hug was not one between lovers, but between best friends.

"I really miss her sometimes." Dal said gruffly.

"All the time." Ida agreed, and she walked to the car to get whatever she came for.

* * *

Pony and decided to hang out. Well, Pony decided. I had been purposely avoiding him.

For one, I didn't want to cause him pain. And for another, I knew that if anyone could get me to tell my secret it was him.

But, smart as he was, Pony had noticed and decided that we needed to spend time together.

"So, Johnny, are you angry at me?" He asked as we sat in the empty lot. He had brought us some snacks and books and homework; in his opinion the necessities of life.

I shook my head once, deciding that I just wouldn't speak to him. "You sure? I mean, I know you're quiet and stuff, but you have been awful shy lately, even around me. Do you need to tell me something?"

He sounded like an adult, like a counselor or something. I just shook my head again, but unfortunately, Pony is known for his tenacity. Or stubbornness, whatever you want to call it.

"Is it a girl?" I was so shocked by this, I forgot to stay silent.

"What?! No!" Pony frowned, then grinned at me jokingly.

"Is it a boy?" I rolled my eyes at him and stuck out my tongue. "Well then what? Tell me! You know I won't tell anyone else! I'm your best friend!"

I wanted to tell him. Badly. I opened my mouth, and I felt tear brimming. Those tears stopped my from telling, and for that I was grateful.

Pony noticed, and looked alarmed. I didn't cry often. "Johnny?"

I took a deep shuddering breath. "Remember how I used to talk about killing myself-"

"Is that it? Has it gotten worse?" I shook my head.

"I don't want to die anymore." Pony looked real confused, and under different circumstances, I might have laughed at the expression on his face.

"Good." Pony finally said. "But why is that making you cry? It should make you happy!"

"Well...remember when I was in the hospital, recovering from the fire and such?" Pony nodded. "Well, they gave me some blood there and..." I couldn't go on. My tears had turned to sobs, and I felt like an idiot.

I got up quickly and ran away. I heard Pony call after me, but I didn't stop or turn back.

I couldn't go to the Curtis house, and there was only one place where Pony wouldn't follow me. Couldn't follow me. My house.

I stepped through the shambled doorway, and was greeted by my angry father. Just my luck. I come home in the four or five hours that he's not passed out.

"Get in here boy." he called from the kitchen. I was prepared for a beating, but not for the scene that greeted me.

My father held a gun to my mother throat. And my father was completely sober. "I found out why you're such shit." He said matter of factly. "And it ain't because of me. It's because of your mother. The two timing slime."

"No! I swear I didn't! It's yours! It's yours!" I hadn't seen my mother. Not in months. She had went to her sisters in New York.

"Guess what your mother brought home?" I just stared at my mother, who was petrified. "A frikin baby! Slut!"

"No, please!" My mother shouted, and then he pulled the trigger. I ran, not glancing back at my mothers body. _A baby. I had to get the baby._

Gun shots chased me up the stairs, and I ran into my parents room. On the bed was a tiny infant, probably not even a month old yet. It wasn't wrapped in its blankets, and it was screaming it's head off.

I hastily picked it up, surprised at how strongly it struggled. I heard my fathers breathing from the other side of the door.

"Come out Johnny. I wont kill you if you just give me the baby." I knew he was going to kill it. Kill something so innocent, so helpless.

I ran to the window. It was a ten foot drop, but I might be able to climb...if my hands weren't holding the baby. I grabbed one of my mothers large and tacky purses, and stuffed the baby inside.

I felt bad for hurting it, but I was also saving it's life. I began to climb onto the unstable roof. Then, my father kicked down the door, and he saw me.

There was a split second where we just looked at each other. Then, he raised the gun, and I jumped.

The bullet ripped through my shoulder, and my entire world seemed to go black around the edges.

But I had to run. I ducked for cover behind the neighbors house, and then ran, shouting Pony's name, not caring who heard me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Please review! remember, if you guess the plot correctly, I will write you something:))) **

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"Pony!" I screamed, loudly over the baby crying. I ran in the direction of the lot. I hadn't even realized that the gun shots had stopped. I think I was crying, sobbing and running.

My mother was dead. I had seen her die. My father had killed her. These thoughts ran through my head at lightning speed.

Pony looked up when I was about a hundred yards away. His mouth rounded in surprise, and he hurried towards me.

"Johnny! Let's get you to my house. You look terrible." I didn't argue. My arm was smarting, but when Pony tried to take the cheap purse from me, I resisted and held onto it.

The baby had stopped crying, and was probably asleep, so Pony had no idea what was int he purse, and how precious it was.

I just hoped it wasn't hurt as we sprinted to the Curtis house. "Darry!" Pony screamed, and his brother came running, a panicked look on his face.

"Pony are you alright?" He was confused when he just saw me holding a purse. Then his eyes found my wound, and he gasped, letting me in.

"Soda! get the first aid kit! Two-Bit get off the couch!" Darry made me lie down on the couch, and I protested weakly. "Johnny, just lie still."

"No, you don't understand-"

"I know, it was your father."

"No." I said more insistently.

"Johnny, just lie still-" Suddenly I was angry. Why wouldn't they just listen?

"LISTEN!" I yelled. Everything was quiet. I never yelled. I was quiet, shy little Johnny.

I reached inside the purse and brought out the baby, wincing as my arm smarted. The gang gasped.

"Johnny? Is that...yours?" Soda asked hesitantly. Suddenly I was too tired to explain anything.

I handed the baby to Soda, who stared, dumbfounded at it. "Johnny! You got a girl pregnant!" Steve yelled. "Didn't I give you that talk about girls? Didn't I say-"

"It's not mine Steve." I said calmly, as Darry began to patch up my wound.

"Why do you have it then? You know, kidnapping is against the law." Two-Bit tried to make the mood light, but even he knew that it was a lame attempt.

Just then, Dal and Ida walked in the door. Dal gaped at the baby in Soda's arms. "I didn't know Sandy was even pregnant!"

"It's not mine!" Soda said, sounding hurt, "It's Johnny's!" Dal glared at me, and looked like he was about to punch me, but then he saw my wound, and simply sat next to me on the couch, letting me squeeze his hand as the alcohol cleaned my wound painfully.

"Johnny, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend." Dally started awkwardly.

I sighed in exasperation, and went on to explain how I got to be in possession of a kid. When I finished, the gang looked dumbfounded, and the only sound in the room was the baby gargling.

"So..." Pony started. "That means that this kid is your brother."

"Well...I'm not sure if its my sister or brother, but sibling." I blushed as Soda checked the kid.

"Brother." He affirmed, grinning at me.

"Wow. I have a brother!" I beamed at Dally, then hurried to correct myself. "A younger brother." Dal grinned at me, something he'd been doing a lot of lately.

I reached out for the baby, oblivious to the pain in my arm. "Hey honey." I cooed to him, patting his satin soft head.

"He looks like you." Pony said. "Don't you think?" I nodded, too happy for words. My own little brother.

"What you gonna name him?" I looked at Dally, who just grinned down at me and the kid.

"Tulsa?" Dally suggested. I laughed lightly, and shook my head.

"Austin." I said with finality. Dallas put his arm around me in a bone breaking hug. I don't know if anyone else understood that now the two people I loved most in the world were named after cities in Texas, but Dal certainly did.

My grin was wiped of my face. "He doesn't have a place to stay! He doesn't have food, I don't have money." I sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be easy. What I didn't voice was my other concern: What would happen to him when I left?

"Well..." Darry looked sympathetic. He of all people, knew how hard this was gonna be.

I sighed. I knew what I had to do. Like Darry, I had to make sacrifices. "Ok. I got it. I'm going to drop out of school, get a full time job, and eventually find a place for us to stay."

Pony was the only one who was shocked. Everyone else had expected this. "Wait, Johnny, you can't drop out!"

"Pony, I wasn't doing great anyway. I'm not going to college, so it doesn't matter."

"You shouldn't have to do this so young. If you put the kid up for adoption, he would be happier-"

"No." I said loudly, and Austin began to cry. I rocked him gently, clutching him a little tighter, as though Pony would try to take him forcibly away from me. I continued in a gentler voice. "Pony, I know things are going to be different now. But no one is going to take my little brother away from me."

Pony sighed, but nodded stiffly. "Johnny," Ida said from behind me, "I can get you a place to stay. I don't actually live with Dal. That was just last night. I have a tiny apartment on the edge of the east side. It's not glamorous, but-"

"Thank you. It's just until I get on my feet."

"That's gonna take a long time Johnny. Single parenting is hard stuff. Especially at your age."

"Ok, thanks Ida." I guess I had too much hope to really believe her fully.

She sighed tiredly. "Never thought I'd have to do this again." She muttered, so softly I think only me and Dal heard.

Dal reached behind the couch and grabbed her hand comfortingly. She rolled her eyes at him, but smiled just the same.

I wondered what the history was behind those two. For some reason, I had a bad feeling that the history was a tragic, dangerous, and confusing one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! I am exited about this story and THIS will be the chapter...you know. The one where you find out the first mystery. But don't worry, there will be more for you to guess. And even if you're reading this ten years later, you can still guess what's gonna happen.**

**By the way, this is not historically acurate. This particular situation would be more likely to occur in the 1980s to nowadays.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Pony and I sat in the lot with Austin. It was Pony's favorite time of day, when the sun was about to set.

I don't really get him. I think he's too complex for my tiny brain to even try to understand, but I do it with him anyway, because I need to keep him safe. And he's my best friend, and it's nice to be with him.

Of course, we weren't really alone anymore. Now there was Austin, my little brother. I don't think Pony liked Austin too much, probably because he was forcing me to drop out of school.

"It's really pretty, isn't it Johnny?"

"Yeah." I was quiet again, the momentary overprotectiveness Austin's arrival had brought me, gone.

"Hey Johnny?"

"Yeah Pony?"

"What were you going to tell me today? Right before you found Austin."

I paused, looking at the setting sun, and finally decided on an answer. Sort of. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do." Pony was good with lies. He knew when someone was lying to him, and no one ever knew when he was lying to them. "You were really distressed. C'mon. I can help."

"Oh...that. It doesn't matter now." Another lie, and I waited with baited breath to see if Pony would recognize it.

"Liar. Tell me the truth."

"Pony, it really doesn't matter. Not now that I have Austin. I don't have time to think about it."

"You have to think about yourself. Darry doesn't, and it nearly kills him. Don't let that happen to you."

"Thanks Pony, I wont." He waited for an answer to his original question. When none was forthcoming, he sighed loudly and impatiently.

"That means that you should tell me. I won't tell anyone else."

"You're who I'm second most worried about if I tell."

"Johnny, what the hell is going on?" Most people think that Pony doesn't swear, but I know differently. In front of me, he doesn't care. "And who are you first most worried about?"

"Dally. Pony you have to promise that if I tell you, and when what I tell you about happens, you have to promise that you wont let Dally do anything stupid. Remember when he thought I died in the hospital after that fire? How crazy he went? Don't let that happen."

"Johnny, are you suicidal?"

"What? No. Well, not anymore."

"So what the fuck is going on!" I winced at his tone, and he patted me on the back.

Austin was a sleep in my arms and I grinned down at the lightly snoring baby. "Pony, if I were to go somewhere, who do you think would take care of Austin?"

"I don't know. Probably us, for a little while. Unless it was permanent, then he's probably be put up for adoption."

I clutched the baby tighter to me, and he whimpered slightly. I forced my grip to loosen, although adrenaline was still pounding through my veins.

That is what finally made me tell him. My fear for Autsin. I hope it was a noble reason, gallant, that I wasn't doing this for pity or to hurt someone but to make sure my little brother had the kind of life I wanted for him.

"Pony, in about a years time, I'm gonna go away, and I need you to promise that you wont let either of my brothers get hurt."

Pony knew that I meant Dallas and Austin. "Johnny, why would you go somewhere, and leave us with Austin? You're 'responsible' enough to drop out of school, but not enough to just stick around with your brother?"

"Pony, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you're going to have to deal with Austin. Help him grow up, make sure Dal stays out of trouble-" My voice cracked and I was suddenly crying.

"Johnny, where are you going?" I couldn't believe that he didn't understand what I was saying yet.

"I-I'm going to see your mom and dad again." Pony gasped.

"No you aren't! You said you weren't sad anymore! You promised that you wouldn't do that!"

"Pony, I'm sorry. I don't want to go." Pony was crying into my jacket.

"Then why are you Johnny?" He sounded so weak, and I began to stroke his hair, pulling the knots out of it and wiping the grease out. I knew it was time to tell him the whole story.

"When I got burned, they had to give me some blood. The blood was...sick. A disease called GRID."

Pony jerked out of my grasped, and scampered away. "The blood made you gay? That's disgusting!"

I rolled my eyes. Pony was sometimes really closed minded. "I'm not gay Pony."

"Really? Because GRID stands for "Gay related immune deficiency." Johnny, that's disgusting. I can't believe you-"

"First of all Pony," I began, getting angry now, "I can't believe how...mean you sound right now. People who are gay, it's no their fault. Second, the doctor says that disease in incorrectly named. It's not only gay people who get it. Drug addicts who use needles get it-"

"So, you're saying your a drug addict? Not much better than being gay if you ask me."

"Would you shut up? No, I'm not a drug addict. They gave me the blood of some drug addict. It passes through blood, and the drug addict probably sold his blood so he could buy more drugs. It also passes from mother to infant. And just straight sex."

"So..." Pony sounded ashamed. "I can't get sick from you?"

"No, not unless I took my blood and rubbed it in an open wound of yours." There was a long silence, broken by a little cry from Austin.

I took out a bottle from a back I had slung around my wrist, and coaxed him to take it in his mouth.

"So...you're really about to...die?" I nodded, refusing to look over at Pony. When I heard a choked sound from him, I realized that he was crying, but trying not to let me see.

"Oh Ponyboy. Come here." One arm still holding Austin, I brought the other around Pony's shoulders. "You can cry. It's ok. I'm here."

"Johnny. I-I'm not sure how I'm gonna get on without you. I'm not sure if I can do it."

"You can do anything Pony. You're a Curtis. And please, remember what I said. You have to promise. Austin will have to grow up without his bid brother and Dal..." I choked back a sob. "Dal will..."

And that's when I started bawling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok, "doingitforjohnny" guessed the main premise of this story spot on (woooh! Applause!) if they recommend a story, or a component to the story, I will tell you it was their idea.**

**But there are more mysteries to solve! What is Dallas and Ida's strange past? **

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

Ida lead me to her apartment and opened the door with difficulty. She and I both had our handful with some groceries and of course, I was holding Austin.

Her apartment was small. One bedroom, one bathroom and a kitchen. However, past the washer and dryer unit was a small unused room that she had stuck a cot in.

The Curtis' had given me all of their old baby stuff, so I had a 20 year old carrier, an equally worn crib, and a small collection of bottles and pacifiers.

The room smelled like detergent, and it was strangely calming. Ida looked nervous at what I would think.

"If you want, I could sleep in here. I know you have the baby, and you might want a larger room..."

"No, this is perfect. Thank you so much Ida." I sounded more mature than I ever had, kind of like Darry, and I smiled at the thought. I was ok with being like Darry.

Just then, Dallas barged in, grinning. It was strange to see Dal grinning so much, almost as much as Two-Bit.

"Hey Johnny, Ida." He walked over to the baby who was sitting in his carrier placed on top of the bed. "Hi Austin." He said in a higher, very un-Dally like voice.

"Hey Dal." Ida responded, searching through the fridge for some food. I began to wordlessly help her make dinner, boiling the water for pasta, cutting the bread for some garlic bread. A true homecoming feast.

Dallas sat on one of the high stools with Austin, talking to him in a baby voice. "Now Austin, this is your mother," He said, pointing Austin's hands towards me. "And this is your father." He said pointing the baby's lax finger towards Ida.

"Oh, shut up Dal." Ida laughed. She walked over to them and pointed Austin's finger at Dal. "This is the deranged uncle that everyone really hopes doesn't show up at thanksgiving this year."

"Ain't that the truth." Dal says with a grin.

"No it's not Dal. Austin is going to love you." I said absentmindedly, breaking the pasta and dumping it in the pot.

"He'd better. This is a nice place you got here Ida. How'd you afford it?" Ida stared at Dallas darkly, bringing a damper on the light mood.

"You know." Dallas almost dropped Austin, and I hurried to put him away in his crib. I didn't really want him to be around an angry Dallas Winston.

"Ida, you can't go on like this."

"I'm doing ok Dallas."

"You call this ok?" He gestured to Ida. "For gods sake, you're always tired from work, alway irritable, you aren't the same!"

"What did you expect Dal? You don't even know the half of what happened in New York after you left. You didn't watch her die, and know that it was because of you! You didn't-" But she began to cry too hard for words.

I was shocked. Ida wasn't greaser girl tough, but she seemed stronger because of it. You could tell she had been through a lot, and she was the kind of person you naturally wanted to be friends with.

Dal wrapped his arms around her automatically, and continued to talk, his voice muffled by her shoulder. "I know Ida. I'm sorry I wasn't there. But I was angry. At you, at Ellis, at the old gang, and the jets. Ellis was...really important to me. Real important, but she was important to you to, and she chose you. I'm sorry I wasn't there." He repeated, sounding genuine.

It really is strange to see my friend so happy, and yet so heartbroken at the same time. Actually, it's just rare that he's showing what he is feeling at all. This must be why the gang makes fun of him and Ida "dating" behind his back. They think she has turned him soft.

I know that neither of these accusations are true, but Dal sure is emotional lately. I heard soft whimpering, and I sighed, dropping the knife I was using to chop garlic and going to check on him.

Somehow, Dal and Ida had migrated into his room again, and the argument had stopped, or maybe just paused, as they just seemed to realize that I was there.

"You think he's hungry Johnny?" I nodded, already preparing a bottle for him. It was better to feed him before he started really crying. I was sure I would have enough of that tonight.

Dal stuck the bottle in his mouth roughly, and I glared at him, taking the mumbling kid from him. "Dally, play nice with the other kids." Ida reprimanded, grinning in a very Two-Bit-esk sort of way.

She checked her watch. "I've got to run. Got to head to work." I frowned at her. She had told me that she worked at the starbucks down the street.

"I doubt it Ida. Starbucks isn't open all night. It's already eight. We can still have a late dinner and go to bed early."

"Naw, that's just my day time job. I work night shifts at Buck's."

"Bartending? Maybe I could get a job there." Ida stifled a giggle, and Dally glared at her.

"Sorry Johnny, but usually only attractive women get bartending jobs. Bye then! Leave some supper for me when I get back!"

I frowned after her. "She isn't going to eat?"

Dally shook his head, looking almost mournful.

* * *

I went over to the Curtis' at about nine, after Dally had left (leaving the dishes to me and Austin) probably to hunt for some action. I'm not really into action, especially now I have a baby brother to look after, so I just took Austin out in his little carrier thing to the Curtis'.

I couldn't afford a stroller yet, but Dally said he might be able to pawn me one, and Two-Bit was shop lifting all of the little stuff like baby food, diapers, clothing, and little toys. I didn't really want Austin to grow up with stealing as part of his life, but unless I completely disowned Two-Bit, the kid was probably going to at least witness shoplifting, if not partake in it.

Soda, Steve, Two-Bit and Darry were playing "caurenta," Two-Bit and Steve against the unbeatable brother duo.

Needless to say, Soda and Darry were beating their butts. "Hey Johnnycakes!" Soda called, then saw the baby in my arms, and rushed over. "Hi Austin, Hi! Hi!" He spoke in a baby voice, letting Austin grab at his fingers, and the baby smiled and laughed. Leave it to Soda to make a sleepless and cranky baby laugh.

"Where's Pony?" I asked as Two-Bit crowded around the baby as well. Steve hung back a little bit. I don't know if anyone but Soda and I knew it, but Steve hated kids. I hoped he'd make an exception to Austin though.

"Up in his room. Actually, I was wondering if you could talk to him. He seemed down ever since you two went to the lot. Wont even speak to Soda." I groaned inwardly. Of course, this was what I was afraid would happen.

Pony didn't answer me when I called him through his door, so I hesitantly opened it, the hinges squeaking like some crappy horror film.

"Pony?" He sat with his back to me, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the bed, fingering something in his hands. I got no response, and went around to face him.

The thing that he was fingering was a switch blade.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey yall! Just some quick announcements: that story that I am writing for "DoingItForJohnny" is called "somewhere only we know." The original idea from the lucky reviewer was to commence the story after Johnny was attacked. But, me being me, I added a little something extra, and now it is a unique twist of the darker side of Johnny and what REALLY happened.**

**By the way, I'd like to thank my favorite reviewers (sorry if I get your names wrong) dreadfulstar, Clamanater, and Pheonixx rising. I haven't checked on this, but I think that they have all read and reviewed for the majority of my stories (even the ones that SUCK!) and you guys make me want to keep writing. Thanks!**

**I don't own the Outsiders**

* * *

"Pony?" I questioned. I wish my voice could come out booming like Darry's, or quietly threatening like Dally's. I could even go for Steve's blunt anger or Soda's understanding. Anything except my small shy rasping voice.

He didn't answer, and I sat next to him on the bed. "Where'd you get the knife?"

"Stole it." We were quiet while I digested this. Pony didn't steal stuff. He was a good kid. I felt ashamed that it was my selfish announcement that made him aware of the real world.

"More important question, why?" I tried not to let my anger and confusion appear in my face or voice.

"I don't want you to leave me Johnny." I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, while my other hand snaked around to the knife. I grabbed it from him, and pocketed it.

"I don't want to go. It isn't exactly my fault." For some reason, this sounded kind of sassy, and I felt bad when Pony hung his head. "Listen Pony, I don't want you to start stealing. You shouldn't even have a knife. What were you planning to do with it anyway, cut a few socs?"

Pony shook his head, turning it so I couldn't see his face. "What then?" He didn't answer, and a horrible possibility came to light in my mind. "You weren't going to...hurt yourself, were you?"

He nodded very slightly, and I tightened my grip around his shoulders, and he collapsed into me, sobbing softly. "Shhh...Pony, I here. You don't have to cry."

Just then, Soda walked in, grinning. The smile slid of his face when he spotted Pony crying in my arms.

"Pony, man, what's wrong?" He asked concernedly. Since Pony had gotten older, Soda has gotten out of the habit of calling him "baby" as Pony didn't take to kindly to it, and Steve made fun of them both.

Pony only cried harder when he heard Soda. "Pony, don't tell him." I whispered in his ear. I gave him a little squeeze, then let go of him. Maybe Soda could talk him around. Suddenly, I felt very tired.

When I stood, I felt light headed. I know this happens to everyone sometimes, but this seemed especially bad, and I fell back to the bed. I think this finally got Pony to stop crying.

"Johnny!" He said, so frantically that Soda gave him a look.

I couldn't speak for a moment, so I just nodded. A headache was forming. I always had gotten migraines as a kid, but they seemed really bad lately. And more frequent.

"You feeling sick Johnnycakes?" Soda asked.

"No!" Wow. I was a bad liar. "I um...fell." Soda looked confused and annoyed that he didn't understand what was going on with Pony and me.

"Uh-huh. You fell. You know, I think you should see a doctor. You haven't been yourself lately. Darry can take you." I almost laughed. See a doctor. What a laughable solution.

* * *

Despite my protests, I found myself in the doctors office the next day-again. Darry came with me, but I could tell he thought it was a waste of time. It must've been his lunch break, and I felt really bad, but Soda had insisted.

The doctor's face darkened when he saw me, and he took on a grave persona. "Johnny, have you decided to take the medication?" He said, tactlessly, right in front of Darry.

"Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about. You must have me confused with someone else."

The doctor gave me a strange look, then turned his attention to Darry. "Johnny, is this your legal guardian."

"No, just a friend."

"A close enough friend to confide in?"

"Yes...but no." Darry gave me an almost hurt look.

"You can 'confide in me' Johnny. I won't like...tell anyone something. Is it something really embarrassing?" I sighed.

"Doctor, you and I both know that we're wasting our time here. I would rather be...well, I would rather be doing anything else frankly. It was my other friend that forced me to come here in the first place."

"So...you aren't going to pay for the medication?"

"Nope."

"Even if you could be part of a test? Your case is VERY rare, possibly unique. We didn't even know that this disease could be passed that way-"

"No, even then." The doctor gave me a grave look.

"It could give you more time to...sort out your affairs."

"I think my affairs would do better not to be meddled with thank you. Let's go Darry." But Darry didn't move.

"What do you mean, 'more time.' More time for what?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's confidential." I snorted. The doctor could be expected to suck, seeing as he treated greasers, but he really was a hippocrite. Doctor patient confidentiality my ass. Hadn't exactly followed the rules until now.

Darry and I walked to the car in silence, but the second the key was in the ignition, Darry began to have a very father-like talk with me.

"Johnny, you know that you can confide in any of the gang. I would think that maybe you would tell Pony at least."

"I have, and not much good it did him."

"Is that why he was...crying?" I nodded mutely. "When the doctor said 'it could give you more time,' obviously the 'it' was some medicine, but what was the more time about? It sort of sound like you're dying." He chuckled nervously, but when I didn't join, her jerked the wheel so that we almost got into a car crash.

"Holy FUCK! You better be kidding Johnny, or I swear I'll-"

"Kill me?" I laughed warmly. "Give me a deadly disease? Can't exactly threaten me with either of those."

Darry looked panic stricken, and his hands were white around the steering wheel. "Shit...shit, shit SHIT!"

"There's not need to swear Darry, what would your parents think?" For some reason, I was in a terribly sarcastic mood, and I sounded like a mixture of Two-Bit and Dally. Like if they had a kid, what his personality would be. I laughed out loud at that image. that kid would be SERIOUSLY messed up.

"What is it?"

"Imagining what Dally and Two-Bit's kid would be like."

"Not what you're laughing at! The disease."

"AIDs. or...GRID, I guess you would know it as." Darry swore so badly, I couldn't put it in this story and still legally have it be a T rating.

My strange smile faltered when I noticed that his anger was directed at me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"Johnny, how on earth did you get...you know..."

"Not my fault Darry."

"It's not hard to NOT get GRID Johnny. You just have to not have sex with a man who has it." I sighed. Of course, Darry was angry, just as Pony had been, because he thought I was gay.

I went into the same spiel that I had told Pony and Darry seemed to relax a little bit. Honestly, are people in Tulsa more scared of a gay guy then their friend dying?

"Darry, I think I should take what the doctor said into consideration."

"About the medicine!" Darry seemed really excited. "Don't worry Johnny, I can pay. This will fix it."

"Darry, there's no cure. There's no vaccine or pill that I can take that will stop the disease, only slow it and make the rest of my life a living hell. I mean about setting my affairs in order before I die."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM ABOUT THIS?!" Great. Now Darry was angry again. "In...who knows how many more months, weeks or days, you will be DEAD! Do you know what that means? Because I do. I saw my parents when they were dead, and there is NO HAPPY ENDING UP THERE! What, is this the whole 'life isn't worth living, so why even try?'"

"No. This is me dealing with my premature death as best as I can, Darrel!" For me, it felt like I was yelling, but it sounded minuscule next to Darry's booming roar. "Do you want me to be sad? Or angry or selfish or preoccupied or whatever people go through because of death? Because I just want to go when I go, and have as few people care as possible. And that's what I want to talk to you about."

"Austin. I don't want to put him up for adoption. Just make sure that...that someone I know takes care of him, even if I don't really know the person well. Like...I don't know, Mr. Willard at the DX, but not a stranger who lives who-knows-where. I want to-" My voice cracked, "I want _you _to be able to see him, maybe, sometimes, even if I can't myself."

I think Darry was crying, but he was too tuff to really show it. He put an arm around my shoulder, and it felt so good to be comforted, rather than doing the comforting.

"Of course Johnny. Anything you want. I love you kid." I gulped. Did Darry really have to make it this hard for me?

"I love you to Darry."

"And Johnny, I'm not gonna let Mr. Willard at the DX raise my little brother."

* * *

When Austin and I arrived home from our daily walk, I was breathing hard. I had actually run most of the way.

The Socs had been particularly bad lately, and not even the regular socs. Pony told me that there was a rumor going around school that I had gotten a Soc girl, Mackenzie Propis pregnant, and that's why she wasn't at school and I now had a baby.

This was laughable, but I wasn't about to deny it. They would never believe me, and I _really _didn't need to be beaten up.

I went to the doctor again (per Darry's instruction) and was thrilled to find out that I only had "HIV" the beginning stages of Aids. So, my immune system was crap, but there was no disease inside of me yet. The doctor also told me not to bother washing my hands an excessive amount or cleaning too much so that I wouldn't get sick. It was inevitable, and even the tiniest little cold could kill me.

I was starting to feel guilty that Ida and Dally didn't know. Ida and I were becoming really close, and I had always loved Dal like a brother.

I started dinner. Ida wouldn't be home for an hour, and Dally would pop in when ever he felt like it.

I heard arguing out in the hall, and I went to go check it out. Two people that i didn't know were standing there. One was a woman with rather revealing clothes on. Actually, she was showing more skin than clothing.

And a man, who was holding her arm. The man traced him hand along the girl's cheek, and she jerked away.

"Not for free."

"How much?"

"For what?"

"Just a quick one, all the way."

"I only do it by appointment."

"I'll make it worth your while."

"I doubt it."

"I like you...a little sassy." The man's hand trailed down her body, and she slapped it.

"Get away you creep." I may be a little slow, but that's when I realized what the girl was. A prostitute. Dally would call it something much meaner. Poor girl though. She didn't sound like she liked her job. Well, who would?

"Aww, Doll, don't be like that you little-" He called her a few things that made me gasp. Only then did the two people realize that I was standing in the doorway of the apartment, blatantly listening to their conversation.

Then I recognized the girl. Underneath all of that makeup and the curled hair was Ida. In my opinion, she looks prettier without all that makeup on her face.

"Ida?" I asked.

"Another customer?" The man asked. I saw red, and then felt a sharp pain in my hand, and someone was tugging me into a chair.

I sort of came out of a daze, and I realized that my knuckles were bruised and that Ida was patching my hand up, still wearing all that makeup.

There was a shouting, and then a pounding. Then the shouting in the hall stopped.

Dally walked in, rubbing his hands. "Ida, would you mind explaining _why _I just knocked that guy unconscious, or should I go apologize and buy him a beer."

Ida went pale. I exchanged a glance with her. Suddenly, a couple of things snapped into place. Ida and Dally must have been talking about _that _job. I wasn't sure if I should cover for her or not, but Dallas walked in before I could decide.

"IDA!" It only took him two seconds to put all of the puzzle peices, and only a micro second to change from his new, happy personality type to a rampaging rhino.

"What the hell Ida? What, you dragged Johnny into this now? I knew this was a bad idea, I KNEW it!"

"Dally-" I intervened, but he didn't even notice.

"What would Ellis say? You disgust me!" Ida turned around and began to busy herself with washing some neglected dishes. "She always said you could stop. Stop being so...pitiful, and yet here you are. You took advantage of her love! She shouldn't have chosen you!"

I was going to sneak out of the room and let them handle it, but then I saw a shocking sight. Silent tears were falling into the suds of the sink as Ida dutifully listened to Dally. This pushed me over the edge.

"You-" Dally began but I yelled so forcefully, he actually took a step back.

"Shut up Dallas!" There was such absolute silence in the room, I felt as if the whole world was still.

"Johnny?" Dally asked curiously.

"Dal, can't you see you're hurting her? Talking about her...late sister in front of her?"

"It's probably her fault Ellis is dead anyway." Dally defended. He wasn't one to say sorry or admit that he was wrong.

"How can you _say _that? When I almost died, Pony blamed himself. You did to. How would you like it if I said 'Oh, by the way, it is your fault that I'm dying.' You can be so...selfish sometimes! She probably mourns Ellis ten times more than you do. She was her sister, and if they were anything like the Curtis', Ida was a billion times more sad then you were when I went in that fire!"

I knew it was a low blow to remind Dally of his one moment of weakness, when he stood, ready to pull out the gun and then Pony screamed "He isn't dead!" and he collapsed to the ground sobbing.

I was worried about what Dal would say. I didn't really even stand up for myself that much, much less other people. But Dal didn't even seem to register my rant.

He looked at me with the saddest blue eyes, and I felt like bawling. "You're dying?"

Shit.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello! Please enjoy! I can explain why it took me forever to update. Midterms. Midterms week was SOOOOOOO stressful, and then I started writing more stories.**

**Ok, so thankyou to GoldenThorns (sorry for typos) your comments ALWAYS make me laugh, because its just the random sort of this that I say to people. (Of course, that usually results in people running away from me, screaming) Anyway...thank-you, and please keep reviewing:))**

**NEWS! I am writing the Two-Bit story now. It's called "Grin and Bear it." If you have ANY suggestions, PLEASE tell me. I pretty much only have the title and that's the end of my creativity.**

**Ok, I know it's not realistic that the Greasers would be playing "Cuarenta" but I don't know anything about Poker, and I really miss Ecuador, so I thought I might add it.**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

_"You're dying?"_

_Shit._

There was an uncomfortable silence after Dally asked the question, the answer of which I swore I would never tell him.

I have to say I was amazed at how I kept my cool though. "Everyone is dying Dally." I rolled my eyes at Ida, hoping she would play along.

No such luck though. "That's not exactly Dally's fault though. More your parents." She had wiped away the tears, and her eyes weren't even red.

"Yeah." I laughed, trying to ease the tension. "I guess it is." I began to side scuttle out of the room, leaving Austin to fend for himself.

"JOHNNY!" Dally roared, angry once more. "Get back in here." He stared daggers at me until I obeyed, dragging my feet like a six year old reluctant to go to bed.

"Now. Johnny, you are going to tell me exactly what you mean or else." Just because I was feeling cheeky, I grinned and responded.

"Or else what?" This was going down a lot like how when I told Darry. Man, if Dally found out, most of the gang would know. This sucked. And Ida too...

Dally wasn't amused, and I quickly corrected myself. "Look Dally, that just slipped out. I meant that 'I _almost _died.' But didn't. No need to get so offensive."

"Johnny, look, we were just making sure that was a mistake. Because it didn't sound like it." Leave it to Ida to make me feel guilty for being so...sassy.

"Well, it was." Ida nodded.

"He's lying." Dally said, staring at me in disbelief. "I can't _believe _that you just lied to my face. And thought you would get away with it."

"How do you kn- I mean, why do you think I'm lying."

"Johnny, it's because I know you. And you're a really bad liar. So, tell me what the matter is?"

I would almost rather him still be yelling at Ida than this. Almost. "I...I go sick off some blood in the hospital."

I was thankful and surprised when Dally didn't seem to need me to elaborate. I was less pleased when I actually looked at him.

Tears were forming in his eyes. I guess all this being happy was turning him soft, as he had always feared. "Dally-"

He looked like a rabbit who was being chased. I lunged forward, but not for him. I knew that if he tried to leave I would never be able to take him. I locked the apartment door and stood in front of it, arms crossed over my chest like a security guard.

"Before you freak out, no I'm not gay, and I didn't have sex."

"I don't care!" Dally shouted, looking frantically at the window, as if wondering if he could jump out of that.

"I know, you're probably angry at me, everyone else was to-"

"I'm not angry at you! Why would I care if you're gay or not? I'm from New York for Christ's sake!" I blinked. I had expected him to be the most worried about the whole "Gay related immune deficiency disease," emphasis on the gay related, but I couldn't even figure out why he was angry.

"Just...get out of the way Johnny." He pushed past me, and unlocked the door (darn it, I forgot that he is stronger than me and has opposable thumbs to get past me and the door.)

"Where are you going!" I called after him, not sure if I should run with him or not.

"To fix this!" I barely heard him as he was already most of the way down the stairs, too angry to wait for an elevator.

* * *

Ida and I took Austin on his walk at about eight. He was already asleep of course, but I wanted to go to the Curtis'. Maybe Dally was there and I could calm him down.

Ida and I didn't talk about anything. She seemed strangely unaffected by he news of my imminent death.

But, on the other hand, I was strangely unaffected by the news that she was a prostitute. I don't think that this meant I cared for her any less than Dally, I just think Ida and I understand each other because we are both going through difficult times.

We arrived at the Curtis house at 8:30, purposely walking through the Socs side of town because it had better scenery.

One of the best things about having Austin, asides the fact that I now had a little brother, was the even the Socs wouldn't attack two people who _looked _like they were a couple, pushing a baby around. No one is that evil.

"Hey!" I called to the Curtis household. I was surprised when I spotted Dally sitting on the arm of a chair. I had hoped that he would be here, but knowing how unpredictable Dally was, I hadn't really expected it.

Various versions of "Hey Johnny, Ida, Austin" chorused from the gang.

"Pony, can I put Austin in your room so that the noise doesn't wake him up?" Pony nodded, distracted by a game of "carenta" that looked like it was almost finished. Pony had 38 peices, which means that he is "trenta y ocho que no juega."

Soda had 34 and was gleefully raking in the points as Pony was stuck until he could secure a "caeyda."

I tried not to rock Austin's baby carrier as I brought him up the stairs. I really needed a stroller, and the gang joked that I could get one for my birthday. If I live that long, although they didn't know about that. It was going to stay that way.

I squished myself into the corner of the couch next to Soda, and pointed out a move. he grinned at me. "Caeyda y limpia!" He shouted.

Pony pretended to glare at me. His glare softened, and his eyes took on a sadder quality. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at this sympathy.

Dally cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him expectantly. "Well, now that we are all here, I have a bomb to drop."

I wasn't really paying attention until he added "About Johnny."

"Dal, I _know _that you're angry at me. But there's no need to spread lies." My heart rate quickened.

"No. Ida is one thing. The gang hardly even know her. Only I will be affected when she..." He swallowed hard, and something clicked in my brain.

"You too?" I asked, and Ida nodded mournfully.


	11. Chapter 11

**PLEASE review. No anouncements. Sorry for never updating. Happy MLK jr. day, 2014.**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"Johnny, what the hell is going on!?" Steve bellowed. I knew that Steve hated being left in the dark and this must be killing him. "Dally, what is this? About Johnny, and Ida, what is going on!"

"Calm down Steve." I snapped.

"No, by all means, please freak out. But don't kill the messenger." Dally glared at me.

"Don't murder the victim." I retorted. At that moment, I think I hated him more than anything else. He was going to tell them, and I probably couldn't convince them that I _wasn't _dying. Dally would never lie to the gang.

"Shut-up Johnny." Dally growled out. This stung a little, but I was a greaser, so I couldn't show it. Soda however, gasped.

"Dally! Say you're sorry!"

"Why?"

"Because...it's _Johnny. _Why would you say that?"

"Soda, I don't need you to protect me." I intervened, still staring daggers at Dally. "Why are you doing this Dal? Can't you just...let me handle this? I'm a big boy now. For god's sake, I'm taking care of a kid! I can handle this _tiny _little thing."

"Why are you minimizing this?" Dally sounded more curious than malicious.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. And it's either because you really don't care about us or yourself, or you're just such a coward that you can't admit when you need help."

"If I could fix this I would, but I can't." I think this is when Darry finally realized what we were talking about.

"Oh. _That._" Darry gave me a very fatherly look of disapproval, which I tried to shrug off. 'Tried' being the operative word.

"WHAT!" Steve finally lost it.

"THE FACT THAT JOHNNY IS FUCKING _DYING!_" There was a pause, and I put my head in my hands. Ida patted me on the back consolingly.

"Thanks _alot _Dally." I said sarcastically.

"J-Johnny?" Soda stuttered sounding scared.

I sighed. "I got AIDS from blood in the hospital, no I'm not gay, no I'm not going to take medicine, yes I am dying. And I guess Ida too."

I gave her a look of knowing sympathy. She shook her head at me. "Nope. I didn't get it from the hospital."

"I suppose your job..."

"You would think that, wouldn't you? But the ironic thing is I got it before I even started my job. I got it from Ellis."

"Y-your sister?" She snorted.

"Hardly. My girlfriend. Dally was kind of in love with her, but she chose me over him. She got AIDs before we were dating, she unknowingly passed it on to me, then she died, and I'm just stuck here waiting."

I was shocked. I guess when Ida said that she didn't enjoy her job she wasn't just talking about the fact that strange men were paying for her body. It probably had something to do with the fact that she was a lesbian.

"Huh. Ok." She grinned at me, and threw an arm over my shoulders.

"Thanks Johnny." I hadn't noticed that there was an awkward silence while this encounter was going on.

Finally, Steve broke it. "Ew." He mumbled, shying away from Ida.

"Oh, shut up Steve." I rolled my eyes at him.

Everyone was silent. Then the silence was broken by a choked Sob. I looked to the source expecting Pony, but it was Dally.

He wasn't crying much. Just a few tears sliding down his cheeks. He wiped them away furiously, and then bolted up the stairs to Austin.

I sighed and followed him. Ida gave me a sympathetic look. I gave her a look that said "I might have to go after a crying Dallas Winston, but you have to stay with these Lesbian haters."

She grinned at me, but I could tell she was a little scared. "Don't beat up Ida or whatever." I said carelessly, although there was a real threat behind my nonchalant tone.

Dally was cradling Austin, sobbing into his blankets. He was sort of...talking like a madman. Telling Austin stories. Some of which were about me, some about Ida, some about nothing at all.

"Dal?" I whispered, slightly scared of him for the first time.

"John." He rarely ever called me John. Only when I had done something really wrong. Like when I had killed that Soc, he had acted all pleased at first. But the second Ponyboy left the room, he had called me John and told me how disappointed he was in me.

"You angry at me." It wasn't a question, more of a resignation to the fact. Dally laughed a little through his tears.

"Johnny, did I ever tell you why I love you so much more than the others?" I shook my head, although I _had _always wondered. "It's because you're stronger than the others."

"Not really. Darry, Steve, Soda, Two-Bit, and you are all stronger than me. Pony is evenly matched with me and he's younger."

"Not physical strength. Although I think you're a little tuffer than you know. You're just...better. You've seen more than anyone except maybe me and yet you're still so innocent. This is a terrible situation you're in, but I don't think you've even thought about yourself."

"I have thought about myself. I'm not a saint."

"You are to me." This was really touching, and I felt tears prickle in my eyes. I sat next to him on Pony and Soda's bed.

"Thanks Dal." He was still sobbing, tears falling onto Austin's face. He squirmed a little, and I wiped the liquid off his cheek.

Dal handed me the baby, and I held him upright, bouncing him slightly so that he giggled. "You know, when I die, you and the rest of the gang is going to have to take care of Austin."

"Course. We wouldn't like...put him up for adoption. But can you...not remind me of that?"

"Course Dal." I hesitated for a second. "And I love you more than the others too."

He wrapped his arm protectively around me and Austin in a brotherly way.

"You shouldn't pick favorites in brothers." He retorted.

"The Curtis' do." For some reason, we started to crack up. I think we just needed to laugh.

And maybe we dreaded the days ahead, when laughter would be scarce and tears frequent.


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own. Sorry for never updating. You guys have sort of stopped reviewing:( How am I supposed to procrastinate when I have no incentive to write?**

**Thanks for those who do review.**

* * *

I fell asleep at the Curtis' that night. Dally and I slept together on the floor, Austin in his baby carrier, and Ida on the couch.

I didn't see the chaos that ensued as a result of Ida coming out about her sexuality, but as far as I could tell, the boys weren't going to hurt a girl. Especially since Ida and Dally had managed to convince them, their teeth gritted that being lesbian was a mental disease that Ida couldn't control.

The boys didn't really know how to deal with the situation. We had all seen the videos warning us about gays, but I don't think they even knew there was such a thing as lesbians.

When I woke from a deep sleep, I felt as though I had drunk all the beer in the world the night before. I whimpered slightly.

The doctors had told me about this part of the disease. My immune system was weakening and now I had full blown AIDs instead of just HIV.

I had to fight off this sickness, of I would die. It was a turning point in my life.

Dally woke suddenly at the sound of my cough. I sat up, and groaned. I saw black for a second, then the head rush lessened and I collapsed against the couch, breathing as though I had just run a marathon.

Dally looked completely petrified, almost as though he wanted to run but physically couldn't.

"Johnny? John? Are you ok? Answer me!" He shook me slightly and I coughed again, trying to wave him away, but my arm felt as heavy as led.

I felt like crying despite my headache. I didn't know that I could get sick just like that, overnight.

I let tears slide down my cheeks and Dally sat up next to me, rubbing my shoulder.

Ida had woken up, and looked at me pityingly. I wonder if this had happened to her yet or if she was still waiting to start dying.

I was terrified. I had thought I had more time, more time to say goodbye, to set up a good home for Austin, to leave with as little pain as possible, but that didn't seem likely anymore.

Ida sat on the other side of me. "No." I leaned into Dally and pushed her away, although it hurt like hell. She looked offended. She probably thought I hated her because she was lesbian. Although my throat hurt and my words reverberated around my skull far too loudly I attempted to explain. "You are sick too Ida."

"No I'm not." She scoffed. "I feel fine."

"Yeah, but your immune system is shit. I don't want you going near me until I'm better." _If I get better. _I thought to myself. I think Ida and Dal understood the unsaid words.

Dal clutched me, if possible, even tighter. I cried out, and I could tell it was hard for him to loosen up his grip on me.

Ida nodded. "You stay here. I'm gonna go home. I'm not staying away Johnny. I'm gonna come back and visit you and there is nothing you can do to stop me, so might as well not waste your breath arguing." I couldn't nod or shake my head, although I honestly had nothing to say to that.

Dally picked me up easily and lay me on the couch. I had lost weight I could not afford to lose. I didn't really understand why. I had eaten pretty normally, but I had pretty much forced myself to finish my plate every dinner. My appetite had decreased an unhealthy amount.

Tears continued to fall silently down my cheeks as Darry and Soda came down. They were talking about nothing really. Work and Pony's school. They didn't even seem to notice me and Dally sitting together on the couch, me as pale as death, crying.

I had another violent coughing fit, and I felt liquid rise to my mouth. The metallic familiar taste of blood. Dally noticed, and dashed into the kitchen, practically knocking Soda over.

"Woah, Dally, watch where you're going." Soda laughed dancing out of the way. Dally brought over two boxes of tissues, a bowl, a glass of water, and some asprin.

He handed me the bowl and I spit the blood into it. It swirled around disgustingly and I felt like throwing up at the sight. I looked away, and accepted the tissues and water.

Dally looked horrified at the blood. Soda and Darry continued to make breakfast, not noticing anything wrong. Soda called Pony down, and he came stumbling down the stairs, pulling on a shoe as he went.

He saw me and immediately burst into tears. Soda came running out and hugged Pony. "What's wrong?" Pony could answer through his bone racking sobs.

"Pony, don't cry." I mumbed. I couldn't stand the pounding on the inside of my skull and I really didn't need to start crying too.

Soda looked over at me and gasped. He led Pony to me and they both knelt next to me. Dally kept an eye on them suspiciously, being overprotective as always.

I took Pony's hand and tried to squeeze it, but I really just didn't have the energy anymore.

"Johnny? A-are you going to be here when I get home?"

"Do I look like I'm going anywhere?" Then I realized what he must mean. "Oh." My chest felt heavy. I didn't really have the energy to lie or tell him it would be alright or tell him I would always be in his heart or whatever. "The truth?" I asked him cautiously, gritting my teeth through the pain that overwhelmed my entire body.

"Yes."

"I hope so. Basically my immune system is failing. If I survive this round of sickness, thats just prolonging the inevitable. I'm just gonna get sick again and again, and then one of these days the sickness will be too much, and I'll die."

Perhaps not the wisest thing to say. Pony began sobbing harder. He held my clammy hand, and his hands were not the small, smooth hands of a child, but the well-worn large hands of a man. The man I would enver see him become.

I felt tears prickle to my eyes. "Johnny-" Pony choked out.

"Don't cry Pony. I'll try my hardest to be here when you get back from school ok?"

"Don't worry Ponyboy. Johnny is _not _going to die." I glared at Dally, and he revised his sentence carfully. "I wont let him die today." Not much imporved, and it still gave Pony false hope, but the boy was satisfied and walked in the kitched to get breakfast, although I could tell he was still preoccupied.

"He's gonna be a really good person. Mark my words, he's going to be the best of all of us." I said fondly. I tried to kick off the covers because I felt myself overheating, but when they were off I immediately became cold. I groaned in frustration. "This sucks." I said to no one in particular.

Soda reached down and hugged me. "Be strong Johnny. Please. None of us are ready to say goodbye yet." I nodded against his shoulder, and he let go.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! Please tell me if you like this story or not...I'm thinking about discontinuing it...don't know. Please tell me.**

**thanks, I don't own the Outsiders.**

* * *

Around noon I started feeling worse, if that's humanly possible. Every breath felt like I was trying to breath from a paper bag. No amount of Aspirin could take away the pain in every part of my body.

Dally wouldn't leave me. He kept talking really cheerfully to me. It was unnerving how happy he sounded.

I finally choked out a sentence. "Dally, I think today is the day." He didn't stop grinning.

"What are you talking about Johnny?" I tried to contort my face into an 'are you stupid?' expression, but it was too painful to attempt.

I tried to get the words out, and Dally just hummed, burying his face in a magazine. "Dally." I finally managed, although the one word left me gasping.

"Yes Johnny?" He asked impatiently.

"Today is the day that I'm going to die."

"What on earth are you talking about kid? Just get treatment."

"Too late for that. I'm ready Dally."

"But with treatment you could like another 200 years!"

"I think you're being a little unrealistic."

"No I'm not." Then I realized that Dally was in denial. I was amazed at how clearly I could think now, how easily I could talk. I was thankful that I had enough energy to get Dally through this, that I would live long enough to say goodbye properly.

"Dally, sit down." He knelt next to me and angrily pushed my hair out of my eyes. "Today might be my last day here. Now what do you want to do with my last day?"

Reality hit him like a train. Tears ran down his face as he took in my sickly pallor, my burning skin, the heap of blanket which hid a skinny, dying kid's body.

"I don't know Johnny." His voice was husky. "It's your last day."

"Yes, and on my last day I choose to do whatever you want to do."

"You don't want to die now. If you exert yourself that might happen."

"No, I'll die of boredom from lying on the couch all day." I wasn't bored. I just said that so that I could get Dally out of the house. At the moment, his well being was more important than mine. I was a goner, but he had a chance.

"Ok." He paused. "Want to see a movie?" I nodded eagerly.

"But, could we please drive? I..."

"Yeah kid. Of course." He lifted me and the heap of blankets easily and packed me into the car with care.

Dally never was one to drive safely, but that day he drove so slowly passing butterflies would occasionally outstrip us.

We went to an actual movie theatre instead of the drive in. Dally didn't even complain about the price. Of course, it was reduced because Dally was carrying an obviously dying kid in.

He sat us in the middle of an empty theatre, and looked over at me often during the previews, but became engrossed by the movie.

I began to have sudden uncomfortable changes in extreme temperatures. One second I would be chattering my teeth in cold, and the next I would be unbearably hot and would attempt to kick off the blankets. Of course then the cold was just more extreme and I would yank the covers to my chin.

Dally seemed to notice this about three quarters of the way through the movie. He felt my forehead and a curious expression ran over his face. He picked me up, much to the dismay of the people behind us.

He shunted aside popcorn boxes and hurtled over peoples legs. I tried to make sounds of protest, but the sudden movements were hurting my head.

I wanted to say "Dally, what are you doing? I told you I was dying, so why are you freaking out? Please stop running, you're hurting me." I groaned, but he didn't stop sprinting until we reached the car.

He set me down with amazing care in the back seat, as if I were Austin's age instead of sixteen. Almost seventeen. With a jolt, I realized there was every possibility I wouldn't make it to my seventeenth birthday.

"It's ok Johnny." Dally spoke the entire way to wherever we were going. He spoke calmly, as if he wasn't freaking out, which I knew he was. He was the one who had tried to commit suicide after he thought I died. In a way, he was dying with me. I couldn't stand the thought of Dally dying right after me, and I opened my mouth to warn him, to tell him to keep going.

"Dally," Once I forced this much out of my burning throat and parched lips, the rest was easy. "I'm scared." I didn't exactly come out the way I had hoped. Again, I reminded myself of a little kids, but I knew that if I had been hooked up to a heart monitor at that moment, it would be beating too slowly. The IV drip would be pounding furiously into my veins in a vain attempt to save me.

"I know. Johnny, you just hang on. Ok kid?"

"Dally, I told you I would die-"

"Yeah, but not today." He stopped the car and picked me up again. I closed my eyes and lay limp in his arms, in too much pain to actually sleep. "Can I have a nurse please? This kid is dying."

I tried to struggle. I hated hospitals and pills, the way the bed felt, the pain that came from being in a hospital. "Dally, no." I felt myself being pushed onto a gurney, and although I felt myself losing consciousness, I screamed. "NO! NO! DALLY!" A stabbing sensation in my arm resulted in a peace that overcame me. My mind struggled to resurface as my body subdued in the effects to the drug. "Dal..." I whispered and I felt myself being moved on the gurney. My only comfort was the hand still firmly holding mine.

* * *

**_Dallas pov_**

I already knew AIDS was ruining my life, but now I had something else to add to my list of enemies.

Austin slept in my arms, not knowing what was in store for him. Not knowing that he would grow up without a brother, without a real family, and now on top of all that, this next burden.

It looked ridiculous. Not just the hood holding the tiny little baby, but the whole scene.

No, what was ridiculous was the baby with the insanely small cast around his arm. The slight blue tinge around the child's eyes, and the red rim that indicated tears around mine.

And of course, isn't it ridiculous. the fact that so many people and so many machines were gathered around the tiny body of the sixteen year old kid.

The _body_ of a sixteen year old kid.


	14. Chapter 14

**Haha! Thanks for all of the reviews! I guess you guys liked that part at the end from Dally's POV.**

**I don't own the Outsiders**

* * *

**_Dally's POV_**

Because that's all Johnny was now. He was so weak, he might as well already be underneath the cemetery grounds, rotting in the cold. Alone.

His chest was moving up and down, and this was the only thing keeping me sane.

But I knew it would stop moving. Soon. It would stop moving, and my friend would be dead. It would stop moving, and I would have to be strong for Austin. I couldn't freak out this time.

**_Johnny POV_**

My thoughts were muddled. I heard Darry, Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, Pony, Dally, and Austin at my bedside, but I couldn't reach out to them.

Dally still held my hand, and occasionally a different hand would hold mine. Rough, baseball mitt sized- Darry's. Calloused a deft fingered- Steve. Or warm and childlike- Pony.

I was most aware of my surroundings when a doctor came in. He described to the gang about "Karposis Sarcoma." It was basically a rash that was a symptom of my death. Not that we needed one.

"The next week will be crucial, but if he survives it, he will survive healthily until the next bout of sickness."

Weeks passed, although I honestly felt like only ten minutes had passed. The only times that stretched out for what seemed like days were the times when I was alone, although this rarely happened, according to Dal.

I mustered all my strength and forced out a tiny grunt, more of a sigh than anything.

Dally was immediately speaking, jabbering on to me in a frantic yet somehow comforting tone.

"Is he in pain? Does he need more drugs?" Darry asked the doctor cooly. At least someone was keeping their head.

"Yes, I think so-" I felt fear overwhelm me. I didn't want to be drugged up. I didn't want my thoughts to be so uncomprehensible. I sighed again, trying to make it sound indignant.

"No." Dally translated. "Please. I-I don't think Johnny would have wanted it." I wanted to scream "I'm still here!" but I couldn't even move my leaden tongue, much less scream.

I waited impatiently for the drugs to wear off. However, the minute they did, I wish I had more painkillers.

I did manage a full groan this time, although it sounded like a dying cat.

"Johnny? John?"

"Give him some space, Dally." I recognized this as Ida's voice.

"Ida?" I said, although it was really unintelligible.

"Yeah Johnny?"

"Hi." I breathed. "Why can't I open my eyes?"

"Uhh...you can."

"Oh." I searched for the muscles, and immediately regretted putting them to use. The light was blinding. I squinted and found shadows of various shapes and sizes still gathered around my bed.

"How do you feel?" The shadow shaped like Pony asked, treating me as though I were about five.

"Like shit." My voice was more coherent now, and Dally laughed, although he sounded more relieved than anything. "Sorry Pony."

"What?" Pony sounded confused.

"I said I would be there when you got home." Pony laughed humorlessly.

"Yeah, you gave me a scare there."

"Austin?" My thoughts were disjointed, but this one seemed very important. The room was deadly silent. "Austin?" I said louder.

"Johnny, we took him to the doctor."

"Why?"

"Well, you have to take babies to the doctor." Ida explained. "And...it seems as though Austin isn't your brother."

"You got a genetic test? What do I care if he's my brother or not?" I was sitting up straighter now will Dally's help, and I had stopped blinking in the brightness.

"Well..." Ida intoned slowly. "We didn't exactly get a genetic test. But...Austin has a disease. A genetic disease. Osteogenesis imperfecta. IO."

"So, what the hell does that mean?"

"John," Dally took over the explaining. "How old do you think Austin is?" I felt ashamed that I didn't know this, didn't know my own brothers- half brothers- birthday.

"Uh...I don't know, maybe three months?"

"Austin is almost a year old." There was silence.

"That's impossible. He's so small-"

"IO is also called "brittle bone disease." He is small because his bone structure is weak. The truth is...we took him to the doctor because...he rolled over in his crib and broke his arm."

"WHAT!" I guess I could scream. Suddenly I felt wide awake. "Where is he?" Ida handed me the bundle that was Austin, and I cringed at the white cast. I took a deep breath. "Is he in danger?"

"Yes."

"Well then." Absolute silence as the gang waited for my response to the situation. "Well then, we are just going to have to be very careful, aren't we?"

The doctor walked in there, accompanied by Darry would must've run to get him when I woke up.

"Doctor," I asked politely. "Do you have a pen?" He nodded, and handed it to me.

I raised my heavy arm to the cast and painstakingly wrote my name on it. It was barely legible, but it brightened up the too white cast. I handed the doctor back his green pen. He had a bemused expression on his face.

My head fell back onto the pillow. Austin was taken away from me, and I made a sound of protest.

"Johnny, you are about to fall asleep. I don't want you crushing our little brother." I laughed at Dally's words, but shuddered at the mental picture. I would have to be so careful around my little brother. All I had wanted for him was a healthy and happy life. Then I remembered that he would grow up poor and surrounded by saddened shadows of my friends who mourned my death, so all I had wanted was a healthy life for him. And god, or whatever higher power was out there, had taken away even that last hope for my baby brother.

Not the most comforting news to fall asleep to.

* * *

The doctors called my recovery a miracle. The gang called it good karma. I called it prolonging the inevitable.

I was staying at the Curtis' house most of the time now. I couldnt really be taken care of because Ida was always at work (Dally had secured a job for her- bartending at Bucks. She complained that it was as degrading if not more so than prostitution.) Also, the gang was prejudice against her, something Dally and I tried to help.

Dally spent every second with me. His reputation had entirely transformed. He wasn't hard Dallas Winston- genius in crime- anymore. Now he was Dallas Winston- pansy that takes care of that-kid-with-the-weird-looking-baby-brother.

I felt fine again. The gang let me walk around and stuff after a screaming match on the subject between me and Dal that had caused the neighbors to call the cops.

I didn't use this privlage too much, mostly because Austin was a full tim job, especially with his cast and new-found genetic disease.

But every night from exactly six oclock to seven, I sat at Buck's bar, keeping Ida company while the gang babysat my brother.

I had no doubt that they would take in Austin as their own when he was older. Now, I worried about him getting hurt physically more than emotionally or mentally. The Curtis' weren't rough with Austin now, as a baby, but they might forget when he grows older, and I wouldn't be around to protect him.

That Wednesday night I left to go help Ida a little bit. She was being hit on by an ugly trucker when I arrived.

"Honey!" I called out to her, just to put the guy in his place. Ida and I had already decided that it was best to pretend we were dating.

"Hello sugarplum." Ida grinned at me, the kind of 'I-have-a-secret-that-would-make-you-laugh' grin that was the reason she was probably the most sought after girl in highschool, even though her looks were average.

"Hey, Ida." I slid onto a bar stool and she passed me a beer glass full of applejuice. The doctor told me not to drink alcohal (even though technically he had no evidence that it would hurt my system.) Ida kept a thouroughly clean glass for me and even filled it with a "beer-looking substance."

"So, Johnny, how goes it?" I shrugged. She probably knew the answer to that question. It was going as it did everyday, no worse no better. Still the looming fear of the killing cough, still the whisper of death as he snatched at my back.

"What about you Ida?"

"Well..." And that's when she told me.


End file.
